Author: Zamai (page 25 of 49)

September 29, 2024

Friendships: The Ultimate Life Hack for Mental Health Challenges

Friendships are the ultimate life hacks to solve stress, anxiety, and even addiction.

One of the greatest thinkers of our time – Simon Sinek said the above statement and it blew my mind.

Why was friendship the ultimate hack? How does it solve mental health challenges?

Simon explains how in a conversation with Trevor Noah. I am sharing his thoughts with you here:

The Sacrifice of Friendship for Success

When we say we have sacrificed something for our career. We should not be afraid to put a name to who that sacrifice was. Because often time, it was the people in our lives that we call friends.

Your friends will be there for you. Your work won’t.

Friendships

Are you a Good Friend?

You usually make friends from school, work, church and other gatherings.

And then you let the location and time influence these friendships. This means you are unable to keep and maintain your friendships when you are not close to them. Please don’t leave your friendship to coincidence.

But to be a good friend, you have to ask yourself these questions.

Have you sacrificed a meeting to hang out with a friend? Do you call your friends on their birthday and sing them happy birthday? Or do you just put a thing on social media saying happy birthday because you saw everybody else put it on social media.

When a friend is depressed, do you go over to their house, sit, watch movies, eat ice cream all day and be depressed with them?

Have you told your friend – I love you? Not love you or love ya? But I love you. The way you know these things matter is how it made you feel when these things were done to you.

How to Keep and Maintain Friendships

Trevor Noah narrates a story:

“I was on a trip to Greece a few years ago. If you’ve ever been to any of these places where people are on boats and having a great time in the water, it hypnotizes you. Then I turned to one of the Greek guys I was with, and I said Nick,

If I was trying to get a boat, what boat should I get?

I’ll never forget this… His friend jumped in, and he said:

Trevor Noah, let me tell you something – the best boat is your friend’s boat.

It was a joke that had so many layers because if you own a boat there’s a lot of stress. You don’t want to own a boat unless you really love boats. But the thing I found profound was this.

Everybody who has a boat needs friends to be on that boat with them. And if everybody works to get the boat no one has time to have friends to come on the boat with them. Every boat I know is full of friends who are on that boat.”

Trevor Noah’s message is simple. Work on your friendship so you enjoy your best moments better together.

The Power of Asking for Help

We don’t build trust by offering help. You build trust by asking for it.

If someone is your friend especially if they have been there for you, don’t be selfish to deny them the honor of allowing your friends to be there for you. The reverse should happen too.

This is when you know a friend is a friend.

Friendship vs. Success: Prioritizing People Over Work

Finding the balance between friendship and success is a bit difficult in today’s times.

In our society, it is possible to show up as a family person. You can show up as a CEO. Showing up as a president is also possible.

Yet society does not deem it nice or important to show up as a friend. The society does not prioritize friendships.

You must have noticed it is more remarkable to have an amazing experience with someone than by yourself. When you say, “look what I did” versus “do you remember that time we did that”. The latter is a better feeling than the former.

How Ignoring Friendships affects Romantic Relationships

There is a big and underrated lesson here.

Abandoning or ignoring friendships has affected romantic relationships. Because people have now shifted all the expectations, the support, the love gotten from a community of friends to one person. We have abandoned those outside places and asking our partners to be everything all the time always.

This is an unreasonable and unfair standard to put on someone. Or to be put on you as well.

What does it all mean?

I like how Trevor Noah concludes their conversation with this adage:

A person is a person only because of the people. I guess King Solomon already knew this because he said it twice:

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

That’s all. I hope this helps

Wishing you the best of friendships.

This email was an excerpt from a conversation between Simon Sinek and Trevor Noah. You can watch the full conversation here

September 22, 2024

Solomon’s Paradox: How to Counsel Yourself Right

Let me tell you when I first encountered Solomon’s paradox.

As a born strategist, I learnt chess as a young child by playing my fellow peers in high school.

We used to form a ring in the classroom where the players sit at the middle with the chessboard. Then the remaining people – the spectators stood and watched the moves of the players.

And every single time, I noticed a pattern.

Whenever I was a spectator, I saw the best moves each player would have made. Their mistakes. And how the game will eventually end.

As non-players, we would nod in approval when one of the players made a good move. We giggled or gasped if a bad move is done.

Yet, when I was in the middle, either playing black or white – there was friction. I don’t see the game clearly as when I spectated. Mistakes were always bound to happen.

Does the Bystanders See better than the Players?

Our teachers used to say, that the spectators often see the game better because they are not pressured or making the moves themselves.

This pretty much happens to everyone in life, but I only connected it later.

When people are thinking about significant life issues, they frequently concentrate on the specific details of their own experiences, which hinders their ability to see things from a wider angle and is counterproductive to logic.

Why is this so?

This is because we don’t see the world the way it is, we see the world the way we are. We are emotionally invested in our own circumstances but logical when evaluating those of others.

The psychologists called this phenomenon – Solomon’s Paradox.

Solomon’s Paradox – Visualization Credit: Pejman Milani

Why did they call it Solomon’s Paradox?

Because you see… King Solomon was famous in the Old Testament for his extraordinary wisdom. He was regarded as one of the most brilliant individuals to have ever lived.

Yet, King Solomon had a disorganized personal life:

Hundreds of wives and concubines. Lack of interest in his children’s upbringing. Obsession with wealth and money.

To put it briefly, King Solomon was an excellent advisor but a bad one at applying the same counsel to his own situation.

You have at some point found yourself in Solomon’s Paradox.

You are impartial, and logical, when you are thinking about the issues that other people are facing.

When you think about your own issues, you become volatile, emotional, and illogical.

Solomon’s Paradox strikes when you give others clear, logical viewpoints and guidance but are unable to give yourself the same kind of clarity and reason.

How do you then break out of it?

I love the strategies recommended by Sahil Bloom. Firstly, Create Space. Then zoom out.

Create space from your emotional decisions.

You tend to make poor decisions because of your emotional attachment to a situation. The secret to getting out of the paradox is to give the situation some distance. Either physically or emotionally.

To create this space, you must pause, reset and engage.

Pause to give yourself time to react—whether it’s a few seconds, minutes, hours, or days. Reset by reminding yourself that you are in charge of what happens after you give yourself permission to experience the emotional reaction.

Then engage the situation with a more balanced perspective.

Zoom out to gain a wider perspective

Like a chess player, you live your life zoomed in.

This creates challenges. Because of this view, your progress appears smaller than it actually is. And your difficulties appear greater than they are.

Zooming out gives you perspective on the remarkable extent of your progress the real nature of your difficulties.

That’s all it takes…

A wiser man after Solomon’s era summarized these strategies to escape this paradox:

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?

How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?

Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. (Matthew 7:3-5)”

Solomon’s Paradox serves as an important reminder that while we’re all excellent at giving advice, we’re not so good at following it.

Create space and zoom out. That’s how you escape your Solomon’s paradox.

September 15, 2024

Real Eyes, Realize, Real Lies

The concept of real eyes probably comes from how some bankers can detect fake money in seconds.

Yes, bank tellers and cashiers receive training on how to recognize counterfeit money with their hands. Banks constantly show them the texture, security features, and printing of the genuine currency. These bank employees eventually handle real money all the time that they can now tell when a note does not feel the way it should.

This special training reminds me of this famous phrase – Real Eyes Realize Real Lies.

The statement plays on the homophonic nature of the words:

“Real Eyes” – Seeing things as they truly are, without deception or illusion.
“Realize” – To become fully aware or understand clearly.
“Real Lies” – Actual deceptions or falsehoods, as opposed to minor or white lies.

Two things are emphasized here. Awareness and Insight.

“Real Eyes Realize Real Lies” suggests that those who truly “see” or perceive reality (i.e., those with “real eyes”) can “realize” or understand the truth, and in doing so, they can discern or detect “real lies” (deception or falsehoods).

Let’s break down this phrase together and check if it applies to you.

Developing Real Eyes

Seeing things as they truly are means you must perceive reality clearly without your bias.

Observe the world objectively and accurately. Free from deception or self-deception. It’s about recognizing the truth of a situation, free from wishful thinking, assumptions or false appearances.

To develop “real eyes”, you must understand the facts. First, be aware of your own biases, emotions and thought patterns. Then, give yourself the space to process information thoroughly before making decisions or forming opinions.

To see reality, you must look deeper to understand underlying truths.

Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

How to Realize

The next step is to become fully aware and understand clearly.

To “realize”, you must understand. And understanding comes from learning. Constantly seek to educate yourself, ask questions and explore new perspectives.

See issues from angles you may not have considered and deepen your understanding of the world.

Uncovering Real Lies

When someone tells you real lies, they present false information or conceal the truth.

Beneath the surface, they are deliberately attempting to mislead or deceive you with the intent to harm or gain an advantage. It can be gaslighting, cheating or manipulation. Or straight up fraud

Truth is still superior to facts.

To uncover real lies, you must always verify information. Trust but verify. Challenge unclear or vague statements with follow-up questions to see if the story holds up.

By being observant, verifying claims, and staying aware of common deceptive tactics, you can better protect yourself from significant lies and manipulation.

What Matters Most

In the end, you must value critical thinking and skepticism.

Encourage yourself to question what you are told. Seek a deeper understanding of reality. Make wise decisions and prevent yourself from being deceived.

When you see clearly (with “real eyes”), you become aware of (“realize”) the deceptions (“real lies”) around you. In other words, it suggests that by looking at the world with clarity and wisdom, you can discern the truth from falsehoods and see through deceptions.

Be the banker that can detect fake money in seconds.

Real Eyes Realize Real Lies.