Zamai Banje

Knowledge For The Modern Millennial

Therapy for Self: 6 Wise Steps to Take During Crises

Earlier this year, I had a burden in my heart. Maybe it’s something that has crossed your mind too. Let me explain. This will greatly help your therapy techniques too.

Have you ever felt you were made for something greater? Yeah. Exactly. Like you feel you deserve to be a king with your entourage and different people respecting your opinions. I’m sorry, let me leave this medieval analogy and say something more relatable.

There are moments when I have felt I should be more successful than my current status. For instance, I ought to be earning six figures (in foreign currency) annually with my level of expertise and exposure. Or specifically, I ought to have my own place with several investments in strategic positions. Or I am supposed to be outside my home country whilst sending money to my parents, my younger brother and my cousins.

Maybe it’s different for you. You should have got that car by now. You ought to be running a successful business. Or is it possible that you are not married because you have not seen ‘the one’? Or you hate your current job but still need that pay at the end of the month to survive. It’s also possible you have so many dreams and goals to achieve but you don’t have money to execute them.

All these things get crazier when you realize you have a sense of responsibility not just for yourself, but also for people around you. These guys are looking up to you to quickly ‘blow’ and be successful.

Hehehe. Let’s not get started on social media; the place where everyone is successful, accomplished and happy and you feel left out. You post your happy moments for two days and feel worthless for the remaining days of the week. I think I have gone overboard but you get the point.

Don’t worry. It’s not gloomy. I found a solution later this year and it’s the reason I wrote this article. We are not here to rant about our struggles; we are here to learn how to triumph today. I got these insights for self-therapy from the opening verse of Psalms 37 in the Bible (Thank you Holy Spirit). Here are the steps he is telling you and me.

Wise Steps to take when facing crises during self therapy
Photo by Jake Hills on Unsplash

1. DON’T DO WHAT IS WRONG

Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

PSALMS 37:3 NKJV

As weird as it sounds, every human has a foundation of wrong and right. However, the more wrongs you do, the more you deaden your conscience. Afterwards, you begin to justify the sins you perpetuate on a daily basis. (Sorry, dear, I am not here to judge you but you know what I’m saying. After all, Only God can judge you and me)

That’s why you need to place your allegiance with Him. Like the verse at the opening of this step, you have to trust in the Lord while doing good. Note the next verbs on the same verse (Psalms 37:3) are ‘Dwell’ and ‘Feed’. This means trusting the Lord is a continuous process. It’s a daily habit because the flesh is really weak and the world is so filled with sweet pleasures.

I hope you get the point I’m trying to make here. We can only fix our unbalanced lives by trusting in the Lord and doing good.

2. DON’T RUSH ANYTHING

Apparently, you might not fully understand the second part of Psalms 37:3. Let me spell it out.

Be patient, dear.

Even though I run out of it a lot, I still feel patience is the most underrated virtue. Who else doesn’t want to skip the process and just reap the benefits at the end? But there’s a caveat emptor when you try this.

The path of skipping the process often leads to destruction. Yes, Life has been rigged in this aspect. The weird part is when you resort to devious and sinful means to reach your rewards, the consequences will still catch up with you. Whether in the latter stages of youthfulness or old age, you eventually reap what you sowed at the beginning.

So once again, dwell in the land. Stay in His Presence. Feed on His faithfulness. Meditate and feel the Creator’s love. Show reverence to Him constantly. Life becomes more satisfying and gratifying when you do this alongside your therapy.

3. DON’T RUN YOUR RACE BY YOURSELF

Delight yourself also in the LORD. And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

PSALMS 37:4 NKJV

Life has always been likened to a race. You have your own timeline and journey during your time on Earth. While getting up to celebrate and appreciate life, we often grab the day in our hands and live as we please. Here is the bitter truth. Especially since it concerns your personal therapy.

This life is not yours. Well, it is still yours when you have not given your life to Christ. But the moment you become a Christian, your life is no longer yours (You gave it to Him literally when you get saved). It is the only way to experience the full glory and experience of God here on earth while waiting for the best moments in eternity.

In sum, don’t run the race of life by yourself. You have God who is always ready to lead, assist and sustain you for all the days of your life.

Hold on. You are getting to the best part.

4. DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

Remember the illustration of life being a race? Well, sometimes you can get distracted when you look at another person’s ‘lane’. We often get disconnected when we hear and see the successes of other people especially if we consider them to be our “peers.”

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way.

PSALMS 37:7 NKJV

The verse above (Psalms 37:7) says “Do not fret.” The Message puts this verse as ‘being unbothered with those who climb the ladder.’ I have felt this way towards some people. That pang of slight jealousy when a random young person succeeds. Especially if you know he acquired the sudden wealth through dishonest means. Or if you feel you are more intelligent more than the person (Lord forgive us for these thoughts).

God reminds us it is fine. He has a road map uniquely designed for you. I have my own path. Just keep being diligent at it and ask God questions when you seem lost. The big man upstairs is ready to answer you. God remains the best therapy.

5. DON’T FRET

Cease from anger and forsake wrath. Do not fret – it only causes harm

PSALMS 37:8 NKJV

To fret is to be worried or develop anxiety. Please don’t do this. Fretting often causes harm to your mental health and never truly solves the problem. Here is a quick tip:

Whenever you’re faced with a difficult problem; pause, reflect and ask God for his opinions. Wait patiently rather than freaking out. I have made some bad decisions in the spirit of anxiety and I regretted them.

Confused on implementing this while doing self-therapy? Stop fretting and start placing your situations before God.

6. DON’T BE ARROGANT

For yet a little while and the wicked shall be no more… But the meek shall inherit the earth and delight themselves in the abundance of peace

PSALMS 37:10-11

Contrary to popular belief, Arrogance is not confidence. It comes from a place of excessive pride. Arrogance is negative confidence which leads to contempt or disrespect for others. In recent times, there has been blurry lines defining confidence, arrogance, niceness and meekness. However, there are clear distinctions.

ARE YOU CONFIDENT OR ARROGANT?

Confidence is a feeling of certainty. When you are confident, it means you have firm trust and belief in someone or something. Arrogance is being extremely confident in yourself while ruining others. When you are arrogant, you could be self-confident but you disrespect those around you either with your attitude or actions. This is not healthy therapy at all.

ARE YOU NICE OR MEEK?

The same principle goes for niceness and meekness. Niceness is being friendly and respecting others to the extent of being trampled and ridiculed. When you are nice, you respect others and remain passive whenever opposing ideologies and beliefs come your way. This is not healthy.

Niceness comes from a place of timidity and shyness. Meekness comes from a place of self-control and discipline.

In contrast, meekness comes from harnessing your life with wisdom. When you are meek, your strength comes from self-control and discipline. You are assertive without being aggressive. Firmness without being oppressive. You are confident without being arrogant. This is true strength. This is healthy living.

I really hope these definitions are clear as it affects your personal and spiritual therapy as a whole. Because it is important to know if you are confident, arrogant, nice or meek.

The truly meek person is strong enough to front up and face anything that is not in line with God’s will, and is given the resources to do it in a non-threatening manner.

Every Day with Jesus (24 July 2020 edition)

Yeah. So that’s it. Whenever you feel crises, anxiety, peer pressure or the need to compete negatively; follow these six wise steps:

  1. Don’t do what is wrong. Do good.
  2. Don’t rush anything. Be patient.
  3. Don’t run your race by yourself. Learn to trust in the Lord.
  4. Don’t compare yourself to others. Follow God for your unique path.
  5. Don’t fret. Face your situations with God at the forefront.
  6. Don’t be arrogant. Be meek.

These steps have an eternal perspective as they are all based on the Bible. I wish you all the best.

What will you do now? Let me know in the comments below.

Become Your Highest Self: 19 Nuggets of Wisdom for the Journey Ahead

I wrote this in my journal over a year ago, but it’s evergreen and relevant today. It’s a letter from your future self.

Dear Present Me,

This is you in 10 years and I’m here to offer you some advice. After all, I’m now stronger, healthier, happier, wiser, wealthier, more attractive and more fulfilled. So here are the things you need to start doing to become me. Which means the ultimate successful you.

WHAT YOU SHOULD START DOING

1. Take care of your skin because outward appearance matters too.

2. Dress the way you want to be addressed. Dress casually (in customised tees) and good shoes. Dress in suits to public events to boost your personal brand and public presence.

3. Take your prayer life seriously because it is the blessing of the Lord that makes one rich and adds no sorrow to it. That’s the blessing currently in my life.

4. Study and meditate on your Bible more often. Day and night. It will give you wisdom, clarity on the paths you are currently on.

5. Take your money making ventures more seriously. Money is not the purpose of man but it facilitates man’s purpose.

6. Cultivate healthy relationship with people with positive vibes. This is one of the reasons I’m still happy today.

7. Keep setting those goals and make sure you achieve them. Let these goals cover all sectors of your life. It paid off in mine.

8. Those books you’re reading. Keep reading them. Study them with the intent of applying the four tenets of learning. Read to Know. Read to Do. Read to Be. Read to live together. This applies for any other thing you’re learning too.

9. Please, I need you to be consistent. Keep showing up. It will be hard in the beginning for you, but it turns to an effortless habit for me.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez from Unsplash

10. Don’t be over anxious too at times. Worry won’t get you to where I am now. Smile. Laugh. Then Do. The Doing part removes the anxiety and worry.

11. Focus on a single craft before moving to the next. Master its art, science and business before jumping to your next interest. Don’t forget this. This is how I became so successful. Don’t forget to spread like a Palm tree. Very important.

WHAT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING

12. Stop being lazy. You’re talented and creative. But this will only show if you put hardwork and consistency in whatever you do and whoever you meet.

13. Remove shame and ideology of “what people will say.” Once broken, you will gradually become like me.

14. Stop going small in your dreams and goals. Go big. Shamelessly with your knowledge, airtime, money and everything you got.

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz from Unsplash

15. Stop waiting for the right moment. I know you. You do this a lot.

16. Stop watching porn, dear. You’re me. Stopping this will improve your sexual life and cleanse your thoughts. Keep your sexual energy for your partner.

17. Stop being distracted. Social media. Movies. Anime. Other people’s work in charity form. Do what is important first, before doing the next.

Photo by Alice Dietrich from Unsplash

18. Stop being nonchalant about your health, spirituality, and body appearance. Though it may matter a little compared to what you’re feeding your mind. But it matters nonetheless.

19. Stop seeking perfection all the time. Always find a balance between Creativity and perfection.

I hope you take my advice. I wish you all the best as you grow and thrive to become your highest.


Your future self.

Photo by Patrick Tomasso from Unsplash



What else is your future self telling you to do? Please tell me in the comments below.

Fear, Fantasies and Faith: How To Build A Certain Future in an Uncertain World

Honestly, this is a tricky topic. Because no single person on planet Earth has the answer. I’m not a time traveler. We are not born to travel into time. With this limited range, we are stuck in the present. And at certain times, we find ourselves getting anxious about the future or regrets about the past.

And all these originates from a place. A place of fear.

Photo by Mwangi Gatheca on Unsplash

So we are starting with the first ‘F word’ on the title.

WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS?


– I hope I won’t lose my job during this period?
– I have just lost my job. How will I survive?
– I have not gotten something to do at all. Where will I start from?
– My business is not making profits. I hope I am not wasting my time?
– Another rejection mail. Will this thing ever work out?
– I’m learning a skill no one is paying for. Why am I doing it in the first place?
– Everybody is already doing what I plan to do. I’m scared already.
– I am single and already getting old. Will I ever meet the love of my life?
– I’ve started creating content and only two people commented in a month Why is life not balanced at all?

Feel to add your current fears too if it’s not on the list.

Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash

But one thing is already evident. As long as we live in this uncertain unpredictable world, there will always be something to be afraid of. There is always something to feel anxious about. But this should never be your case. Because there’s a way around this.

It’s necessary to define fear first. The simplest definition of FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. This inevitably means one thing. It’s all in your mind.

The falsehood. The worry. The anxiety. It’s all in your head and your reactions towards your thoughts.

I understand this emotion can be caused by both actual and perceived threats. But still, fear is an emotion. And emotions can be managed, controlled and even replaced.

This leads us to the second part:

WHERE DO YOUR FANTASIES LIE?

All actions start from a single thought. You move because your mind tells you to move. Words come out from your mouth because your brain translates your thought patterns into actual words. And you make and unmake plans after mapping out the steps in your head.

Photo by Linus Sandvide on Unsplash


This means all thoughts originate from the image making power of your mind. Your imagination. Hence, your actions so far have been done in your fantasies before.

Personally, I believe this to be true. Thinking lowly of yourself leads to external low self-esteem. Thoughts of you failing leads to the actual failure itself.

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny

Ghandi

And this brings us to the most powerful F word of them all. Faith.

WHO IS YOUR FAITH ON?

There’s a short story that protrays the importance of faith over fear:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

This fable shows that it’s important to keep replacing our thoughts of fear with that of faith.

Photo by Kunj Parekh on Unsplash

Living a fear-based lifestyle simply leads to constant worry, anxiety and eventual despair. But having a faith based life leads to contentment, freedom and peace of mind while achieving your goals. This eventually leads to striving to be the best version of yourself on a daily basis.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see.

Hebrews 11:1-2 MSG


After learning the fundamentals behind your fear, fantasies and faith; what are the steps to take in order to have a positive future?

1. BELIEVE IN GOD

Having total trust and confidence on the ways, thoughts and opinions of God is definitely the first step on the path of having a certain future in an uncertain world.

Photo by Linus Sandvide on Unsplash

The reason is because the universe was created and designed in tandem with His Will for you and I. So, who better to collaborate when making your plans than the Master Planner Himself.

Believe in God by developing a personal relationship with Him through prayer, reading his Word and communicating with people who truly worship Him.

Practice this belief by showering love to yourself and everyone you come in contact with.

2. MAKE PLANS FOR TOMORROW BUT DO THEM TODAY

Alice Morse Earle once said, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.” ( I first heard this quote from Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda)

You are young at heart and in body with boundless mental and physical energy but you only have the power to change today.

Photo by Hennie Stander on Unsplash

You can achieve this step by setting long term goals with daily steps and monthly milestones. For instance, a goal of reading twelve books a year means you must finish book every month and reviewing your new found knowledge on a quarterly basis.

3. VISUALISE YOUR HIGHEST SELF

Visualisation is a powerful way of mentally breaking yourself from the uncertainties of today’s world.

Build strong mental images of how you want to be in the future. Stephen Covey put this as, “Begin with the end in mind.”

Photo by Vamsi Konduri on Unsplash

So, imagine yourself in a big beautiful mansion with lovely kinds and the perfect partner. Imagine your books being sold and read by millions of readers worldwide. Visualise yourself being the head of a successful and thriving Fortune 500 company. Make these visualisations as personalised and clear as possible. The clearer and more vivid these images are in your head. The better.

After this mental exercise, show up with that aura and energy every day.


And this brings us to the last step on building a certain future in an uncertain world:

3. READ GOD’S WORD REGULARLY

Try to study God’s Word every day ( I use the word, “try” because I still struggle to maintain a daily streak) This is extremely important because it is easy to get swayed and fearful with the news headlines from both traditional and social media platforms.

Photo by Aaron Burden

Yet, God’s Word has already foretold these perilous times, and studying it every day is a gentle reminder that you are loved and meant to last forever. There are also timeless principles and success stories of men who excelled in their own era. And you won’t be an exception.

Yeah. That’s it. Based, here is a quick checklist of what you need to do to have a positive future:

  • Learn to replace your fears with faith.
  • Establish the right fantasies.
  • Place your faith on God by believing in Him.
  • Believe in God by praying and studying his Word.
  • Make plans for tomorrow but execute them today.
  • Visualise your highest self and start showing up as him.
  • Try to study God’s Word every day.

Writing this has made me realise I have had misplaced faith on several occasions and that’s why there are still fears hovering in my head. I learned a lot from this and I hope you feel the same after reading it too.

Cheers to a certain future and an unshakeable faith.

(This post is dedicated to Otache Ochefio for the writing prompt. Thank you Fred for the extra push.)

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