Tag: relationships (page 6 of 7)

February 12, 2024

People Magnet: Four Quick Ways to be Liked by Others

To be a people magnet is to acknowledge that your happiness and success at work can be strongly influenced by how well-liked you are by others.

People that are likable are regularly better at influencing others—whether it’s convincing coworkers, winning over ideas, or boosting team spirit. Stronger, deeper connections with others can also be nurtured by your likability, and this results in sustaining friendships and partnerships.

Be a People Magnet

Here are the four quick ways to make people like you:

1. Smile to make a great first impression

First impression matters.

And the quickest way to make a great first impression is to give a wide smile. Smiling makes you look friendly and approachable.

A smile says to the other person, ‘I am glad to see you. You make me happy. I always enjoy your company.”

The clothes you wear is not nearly as important as the expression on your face.

WHAT ABOUT THE DAYS YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE SMILING?

Force yourself to smile when you are first alone. Act as if you are already happy, and this will make you happy as well. You are only happy when you choose to be happy.

Then smile afterwards. Your smile is a way of expressing your kindness. Everyone who sees your smile will feel happier around you too.

2. Remember people’s names to make them feel important.

Do you know the average person is more interested in his or her own name than all other names combined?

Former U.S. President, Franklin D. Roosevelt confirms that remembering names is one of the easiest, most evident, and most significant ways to win people over. When you remember that name and call it easily, you have paid a subtle and impactful compliment to that person.

The ability to recall names is nearly as crucial in social and professional interactions as it is in politics.

HOW TO REMEMBER THE NAMES OF PEOPLE

If you are hearing a person’s name clearly for the first time, ask – “I am sorry, I did not hear your name clearly, can you say it again?” If the name is not common, ask the person to spell it out. Then write the name on your phone or a piece of paper.

Make the effort to repeat the name multiple times during the conversation and try to mentally connect it to the person’s features, expression, and overall look. This technique was successfully used by Napoleon the Third.

And it works till now!

SAYING THEIR NAME MAKES YOU A BETTER PEOPLE MAGNET

The person’s name distinguishes them from others and makes them special.

This means that when we address situations with the person’s name, the information we are providing or the request we are making assumes a special significance. It puts you at a sharp advantage for them to like you. This is what makes you a people magnet.

Recognize the power of a name and understand that the only owner of this particular asset is the person we are interacting with. No one else.

3. Listen deeply and encourage people to talk about themselves.

This is a simple method to improve your conversation skills.

Many people don’t listen deeply, which prevents them from leaving a positive impression. They don’t keep their ears open because they are too worried about what they will say next. Studies show that the most influential people value attentive listeners more than talkers. However, listening skills appear to be more uncommon than nearly any other positive quality.

It is essential that you give the person speaking to you your whole attention. Nothing else is so pleasing as that.

A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation – Dale Carnegie

HOW TO BE A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST

Be a focused listener if you want to be a good conversationalist. Be interested to be interesting.

Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Invite them to share about their experiences and achievements.

Even the most violent critic will often become gentler and quiet when they are around a patient, understanding listener.

4. Develop a sincere interest in other people.

By showing genuine interest in other people, you can make more friends in one month than you can by trying to pique their interest in you over the course of a year.

If you want to make friends, you must put yourself out there to do things for other people – things that require time: energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness. Being genuinely interested in other people not only makes you friends but also fosters a sense of loyalty if you run a business or building a professional career.

This is also the only means for the other ways to work fine for you in the long run.

HOW TO DEVELOP SINCERE INTEREST IN OTHER PEOPLE

Speaking with someone about the things they value most is the best way to winning their heart.

Mention the interests of the other person when you speak. Look for things you both have in common, like hobbies or life experiences. Ask follow-up questions, nod in agreement, and express enthusiasm in the topics they are talking about.

Always bring the focus of the conversation back to the other person.

Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.” – Benjamin Disraeli.

Greet people with enthusiasm and energy as well.

Also use the same mentality when someone calls you on the phone. Say “Hello” in a tone that conveys your happiness that they have called.

This is a fantastic way to build rapport, make them feel valued, and create a more engaging conversation.

READ PREVIOUS ARTICLE – PROSOCIAL: HOW EVERYONE SHOULD OPTIMIZE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS

What Everyone Ought to Know to Bring Out The Best in their Relationships — Photo by Yan Krukau on Pexels

February 4, 2024

Prosocial: How Everyone Should Optimize Their Relationships

I went from shy, socially anxious to a self-assured prosocial person after reading one of Dale Carnegie’s books.

The book’s name was “How To Win Friends and Influence People.” Over 30 million copies have been sold worldwide, and even recommended by Warren Buffet. Carnegie’s book is full of timeless wisdom and insights that you can use to bring out the best in your relationships.

In the first section of the book, Carnegie shared the fundamental techniques in handling people. He also narrates stories of people who achieved extraordinary progress in their businesses, politics, and career. Because they applied these methods to bring out the best in their relationships.

I will tell you the main techniques, so you don’t have to spend hours studying his book. Or tens of other relationship books.

Prosocial: What Everyone Ought to Know to Bring Out The Best in their Relationships

Photo by Yan Krukau on Pexels

Technique 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

Do you like to be embarrassed or ridiculed publicly for anything no matter how wrong it was?

It is the same for other people. We are all creatures of emotion, abound with dignity and self-esteem. If you don’t like to be criticized in the open, why do you want to do the same thing to others? Whether in a group or with someone else.

Besides, criticisms are like boomerangs. They always return. It’s the wrong way to be prosocial

So, resist the urge to strongly criticize or rebuke your friends, colleagues, or people above you. It will always end in futility.

Speak ill of no man but speak all the good you know of everybody – Benjamin Franklin

Understand people first to be prosocial

Instead of condemning people, try to understand them.

Try to figure out why they do what they do. Listen to others and find out their positive attributes before you assume the worst of them. This is a lot more profitable and intriguing than complaining and criticism.

This will also breed patience, and kindness in your relationship with them.

TECHNIQUE 2: Give sincere and honest appreciation

There is a big secret of dealing with people.

Do you know that the only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want? This is the secret. Companies use this secret to offer rewards to motivate their employees to achieve specific goals, enhancing their overall productivity and performance at work. Businesses also use this secret negatively, by using bribery to influence decision-makers and secure deals.

There is a quote by William James that resonates quite well with this technique.

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. This is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his hand.

To bring out the best of your relationships, always remember that you are dealing with human beings who hunger for appreciation.

Be careful of flattery when being prosocial

In a bid to appreciate others, please be careful of using flattery in your words and actions.

Flattery is shallow, selfish, and insincere. It’s like those wealthy and well-connected friends who keep calling you “Chief, Boss, Chairman” at every instance but disappear when you ask for their advice. Don’t act like them please.

In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good if you want to be prosocial.

Instead, give lots of praise and heartfelt approval in your dealings with people, and they might remember what you said for the rest of their lives. And they can even bring it up years after you’ve forgotten it.

TECHNIQUE 3: Inspire the other person to feel a strong desire.

A way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

To do this, you must first inspire the other person to feel a strong desire. For instance, successful salespeople do this by showing us how their services and products solves our problems. After all, customers like to feel that they are buying – not being sold.

Dale Carnegie affirms this by saying that if you can learn this technique, you will have the whole world with you.

“People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.” – Owen D.Young.

Put yourself in their shoes.

If there is any one secret of success, it will be Empathy.

It lies in your ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own. The next time you want to persuade someone to do something – pause and ask yourself: How can I make this person want to do it?

Constantly asking and answering this question will bring out the best of your relationships.

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.

JUST A RECAP

Here is the checklist to navigating the journey of life with stronger relationships and building more meaningful connections:

Technique 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
Understand people first.
Technique 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Be careful of Flattery.
Technique 3: Inspire the other person to feel a strong desire.
Put yourself in their shoes.

That’s it. You just learned everything you need in maximizing your relationships. You are welcome.

Photo by Vietnamese Private Tours: https://www.pexels.com/photo/three-men-riding-boats-on-body-of-water-1162639/ — Photo by Vietnamese Private Tours:

November 7, 2023

Whose Boat Are You Rocking?

There is a quote from a short viral video that has been running for my mind for months now. It is by Apostle Selman, and he says, “If there are five foolish people around you, you did not count well. There are six.” The statement subtly indicates that you become unwise when you constantly hang around foolish people. I have likened this law of friendship and association to the art of boat sailing. When sailors row their boat, they learn to completely trust each other and keep their eyes on the goal. People row together when solving the problem is useful to everyone in the boat:

Photo by Vietnamese Private Tours:

What kind of people do you talk to daily?
What do you discuss when you are around your closest circle?
Are you a friend who people can meet and ask for help?
Do people turn away from you when you ask them for help?

This train of thought leads me to two stories on how you should view and determine your friendships.

THE MAN WHO RAN AWAY IN A BOAT

The first story is about a prophet who received an assignment to preach in a great city.. His name was Jonah. However, Jonah disobeyed the call and headed to a different city. As he took a ship to head to the different city, a violent storm arose and threatened to break up the ship. The sailors were so terrified. They threw the cargo to lighten the ship and cried to their gods, but the storm persisted.

Meanwhile Jonah slept deeply and was unaware of the storm. Eventually the sailors found out he was a prophet, and they woke him up, asking for help. To the sailors’ surprise, the disobedient prophet said he was the cause of the storm and asked them to throw him to the sea.

“Pick me up and throw me into the sea.,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.”– Jonah 1:12

What did his fellow travelers do? Jonah 1:15 reads: “Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm.”

How do you think those people felt when throwing off Jonah? Were they frightened? Desperate to be alive? Indecisive? Now think about how they felt after the storm stopped. Were they grateful to cut him off? Were they relieved?

UNDERSTANDING THE RUNAWAY PROPHET

If you have been in an unlucky friendship, then you can understand both situations. Those who have had toxic relationships will also understand best. These kinds of friends bring bad vibes and bring out the worst. In certain situations, you can lose yourself, your goals and what you believe in. Be careful of these types of people whether acquaintances, friends or family. Cutting them off is the only way to save your life.

Do not be a Jonah here too. Don’t force friendships and relationships down people’s throats too. Seek people with similar interests and become valuable to them. When you sense hostility or rejection, kindly maintain your distance and leave the person alone.

This leads us to the second story. And this is where it gets interesting.

THE MAN WHO FACED THE STORM FROM THE BOAT

Another prophet found himself in this same situation as Jonah. A violent storm developed while he and his followers were in a boat, causing waves so high that the boat was about to be swamped, and the prophet had fallen asleep. His followers woke up the prophet, crying to him to save them. And here is what happened when he woke up. Mark 4:39 reads, “He said, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind stopped, and the lake became calm.”

Now how do you think the followers felt with this second prophet in their boat? Did they feel safe? Secure? Amazed and invincible? If you have read this story before, it concludes with them being astonished and wondering what kind of man he was. (The prophet’s name was Jesus, by the way.)

Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything. – Muhammad Ali

THIS IS HOW FRIENDSHIPS SHOULD BE

I think this is the situation of Jesus and his followers depicts how friendships should be. People being marveled or feeling safe with each other. No backbiting or flattery. A true friend should care about you, shows concern and respects your thoughts and emotions even when they may not agree.

To know the true friends in your life, pause and ask yourself these questions:

Are there people in my life who make me feel worse when they are around?
When I am dull and lonely, do I have anybody who makes me happy or encourages me whenever I talk to them?
Who are the people I can trust with my deepest thoughts and feelings?
Have I shared my thoughts or emotions with anybody and felt safe in those moments?
Who are the people who share my values and interests?
Can I build better relationships with people who already share my values and interests?

BE A FRIEND TO OTHER PEOPLE TOO

And you must be friendly too. To find true friends, you need to be yourself and share your thoughts and feelings with others. Also remember that finding true friends takes time and effort. You may not find the perfect friend overnight. But with patience, persistence, and a positive attitude, you can overcome the challenges of finding true friends and building lasting relationships that can bring joy and support to your life.

And when seeking friends, respect other people’s boundaries. Observe and maintain different degrees of interaction at work, school, church, and life in general before taking the extra step. Not everyone can be your friend. You cannot be everybody’s friend too. Jonah was sent to preach to only one city. Jesus only chose 12 disciples.

When rocking your boat, be Jesus and throw off the Jonahs. Be wise and considerate as a friend. Sometimes the five foolish people around you may not be foolish but simply waiting for you to display your wisdom so they can be like you.