How can you experience real happiness?
Here are some guidelines on how to go about it. These guidelines are paraphrased from the Almanack of Naval Ravikant: A Guide to Wealth and Happiness.
HOW DO YOU DEFINE REAL HAPPINESS
Today, I believe happiness is really a default state.
Happiness is there when you remove the sense of something missing in your life. If you constantly walk around thinking, “I need this,” or “I need that,” trapped in the web of desires – you are not happy.
Happiness is the state when nothing is missing. When nothing is missing, your mind shuts down and stops running into the past or future to regret something or to plan something.
Real Happiness
HOW YOUR HAPPINESS IS OFTEN DESTROYED
You can literally destroy your happiness if you spend all of your time living in delusions of the future.
For instance, when you crave experiences that will make you be present, the cravings themselves take you from the present moment. A lot of your unhappiness likely comes from comparing things from the past to the present.
The idea you’re going to change something in the outside world, and that is going to bring you the peace, everlasting joy, and happiness you deserve, is a fundamental delusion we all suffer from, including me.
The mistake over and over and over is to say, “Oh, I’ll be happy when I get that thing,” whatever it is. That is the fundamental mistake we all make, 24/7, all day long.
THE ILLUSION OF HAPPINESS
When you’re young, you have time. You have health, but you have no money. When you’re middle-aged, you have money and you have health, but you have no time. When you’re old, you have money and you have time, but you have no health.
So the trifecta is trying to get all three at once. By the time people realize they have enough money, they’ve lost their time and their health.
Here is a short story that perfectly describes the illusion of happiness. It is from the book – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
THE SHOPKEEPER’S SON AND THE WISE MAN
“A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for forty days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived.
“Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, on entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the man’s attention.
“The wise man listened attentively to the boy’s explanation of why he had come, but told him that he didn’t have time just then to explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours.
“‘Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something,’ said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. ‘As you wander around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill.’
THE REALIZATION OF THE SHOPKEEPER’S SON
“The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.
“‘Well,’ asked the wise man, ‘did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?’
“The boy was embarrassed and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.
“‘Then go back and observe the marvels of my world,’ said the wise man. ‘You cannot trust a man if you don’t know his house.’
“Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.
“‘But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?’ asked the wise man.
“Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone.
“‘Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you,’ said the wisest of wise men. ‘The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.’”
YOUR HAPPINESS IS CONNECTED TO YOUR PEACE
Peace is happiness at rest, and happiness is peace in motion.
You can convert peace into happiness anytime you want. But peace is what you want most of the time. If you’re a peaceful person, anything you do will be a happy activity.
Today, the way we think you get peace is by resolving all your external problems.
But there are unlimited external problems. So, do you become peaceful then? Well, you can adopt the advice of the wisest person who ever lived. In his words – When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future (Ecclesiastes 7:14 -15 NIV)
The only way to get peace on the inside is by giving up this idea of problems.
THE BIG QUESTION – HOW TO BE TRULY HAPPY
Training yourself to be happy is completely internal.
There is no external progress, no external validation. You’re competing against yourself—it is a single-player game. This means you should forget about the world of competition and comparison.
Rather, focus on increasing your happiness over time, and it starts with believing you can do it.
The most important trick to being happy is to realize happiness is a skill you develop and a choice you make. You choose to be happy, and then you work at it.
This is what it means to be truly happy. This is how you experience real happiness.
