Tag: relationships (page 4 of 7)

September 8, 2024

Johari Window: The Best Way to Increase Your Self-Awareness

The Johari Window is an easy and scientifically proven method to help you increase your self-awareness and your understanding of others.

I learnt this technique this week.

You see, a long time, two psychologists developed a framework to help people better understand their relationship with themselves and others. Their names were Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham. And guess what they called it…

“The Johari Window”

They named the model using a combination of their first names. These psychologists made the right naming choice. Because the Johari Window soon became a widely used model for understanding and training self-awareness, personal development, interpersonal relationships and team building.

And here’s how you can take advantage of this model.

How does this model work?

The Johari Window enhances your perception about yourself and how others see you.

This model is based on two ideas – Feedback and Disclosure. You can acquire trust by revealing information about yourself to others (Disclosure). And you can also acquire trust by learning more about yourself from others’ feedback.

The Johari Window represents you through four quadrants or rooms.

Each of the four rooms represents a personal detail, motivation, emotion, and whether you or others know the information, from four different perspectives.

What are the Four Rooms of the Johari Window?

Two of these rooms represent self and the other two represent the part unknown to self but to others:

The Open Room:

This part represents your conscious self that you are aware of and that others know.

Your attitudes, behaviors, motivations, values and way of life. This zone becomes your open self because you and others know it. You move within this arena with freedom.

In this room, you are an “open book.”

The Hidden Room:

This represents the things you know about yourself but others do not know.

The hidden room or façade can be any personal information which you feel reluctant to reveal. Your feelings, past experiences, fears and secrets. You might keep this information private because it affects your relationships with others.

The hidden room reveals deep insights, because how you see yourself is inconsistent with how you behave.

The Blind Spot:

This zone represents the things others see but you do not know.

Other people are bound to interpret yourself differently than you expect. So it’s important to approach this room with curiosity, not defensiveness. Ask questions to learn more about their perspectives.

After hearing their answers, ask them – What actions and behavior have I done that led to your answers. See your blind spot as a great opportunity to learn and increase your self-awareness.

The Unknown Room:

This is information unknown to yourself and others.

Underestimated abilities. Repressed or subconscious feelings. Conditioned behaviour or attitudes from childhood. These are examples of the unknown room.

You can unlock your unknown room through varying processes, either by self-discovery or observation by others.

How to use the Johari Window

Your target becomes simple now that you fully understand each room of the Johari Window.

Expanding your open room at the expense of the unknown and Blind spot results in greater knowledge of yourself. Voluntary disclosing your private room in greater interpersonal intimacy and friendship.

Reduce your blind spot by seeking feedback from others. Move information from the hidden room by taking time to reveal aspects of yourself to others. Then explore your unknown room by discovering your hidden abilities or by observing other people.

Most importantly, increase your open room to fully maximize your Johari Window.

What is the Ideal Johari Window?

A person with an ideal Johari Window has a significant open room.

Your goal is to expand this public domain. Do this by disclosing more about yourself to others. Also accept feedback from others.

A significant public domain shows that people know you well and that you are conscious of your own capabilities, emotions, and behaviors. This understanding between you and others improves your own effectiveness and makes social interactions easier.

You might even start feeling like Gojo Satoru at some point.

The greatest in your era.

June 16, 2024

Get Lucky: 4 Biggest Lessons learned from Fathers

Learning how to get lucky can come from unexpected places.

When I was in secondary school, my dad used to buy Nigerian novels for me and my younger brother, Victor.

One day, he bought this novel for Victor’s birthday. The title was Arrow of God.

The book had too many pages for our age range at that time. And it had no pictures.

My brother easily ignored the book, but the title was too intriguing for me to leave it alone.

What is even the arrow of God? I opened the book and started reading.

And wow! I’d never read anything like that.

Getting Lucky by reading the arrow of God Novel

READING THE ARROW OF GOD NOVEL

The book is such a delightful read and it was written by Chinua Achebe, one of the best storytellers of modern African literature.

The novel focuses on Ezeulu, who is the High Priest of Ulu.

Ulu is the most important deity in the town of Umuaro, and this god brought together six warring villages to create a strong community that shares core values but preserves local village traditions.

The story begins with a bitter feud between the villages of Umuaro and Okperi. And as the story continues, everybody tries to take advantage of this feud for personal gains.

Personally, the most interesting part of the novel were the 3 sons of Ezeulu and their relationship with the father.

These sons each taught me 3 essential traits. There was a 4^th trait from the last son that life eventually teach me, but we will get to that later.

Get Lucky: 4 Lessons from a Father

Son 1: Edogo

Be steady and dependable.

Edogo is Ezeulu’s oldest son and respectful to his father. He loves his wife and his child, constantly worrying about their health.

Even though, Edogo is steady and dependable, he gets little respect from the people of Umuaro. Edogo was not flashy.

Son 2: Obika

Show agility and passion when working with people.

Obika, Ezeulu’s 2^nd son is admired by the village people for his beauty and quickness. Though his father chides him and complains about him—in particular his love of drink—Ezeulu still respects Obika’s strength and masculinity.

However, Obika dies as a young man as a result of over-exerting himself during a religious ritual.

Son 3: Oduche

Know where you are coming from and where you are going to.

Oduche is Ezeulu’s middle son with his favorite wife – Ugoye. Ezeulu sends Oduche to the missionary school at the church with the hopes that Oduche will become fluent in the ways and religion of the white man, enabling him to function as a knowledgeable informant and emissary.

Instead, Oduche becomes attracted to Christianity, and nearly kills the holy python which represents one of the gods of the village.

Son 4: Nwafo

Like I said, we will get to this son’s lesson later.

Whilst still reading this novel, I realize that Ezeulu was immensely prideful. Even though there are other proud powerful men, Ezeulu is so full of pride to the detriment of himself and his people.

In Umuaro, the people cannot harvest the yams until Ezeulu has called the New Yam Feast to give thanks to Ulu.

Yet, he refuses to call the feast despite being implored by other important men in the village to compromise.

The yams begin to rot in the field, and a famine ensues for which the village blames Ezeulu.

Because of this, many of the villagers lost their faith in Ezeulu, embracing Christianity instead. Rather than starve, the villagers flock to the church to make offerings to the Christian God.

That taught me the 4^th trait – Don’t underestimate your luck and position in life.

Get Lucky

The last son – Nwafo was Ezeulu’s favorite and was naturally interested in the priestly duties.

He was heavily favored to inherit the title and responsibilities of High Priest of Ulu.

Above the other sons. Simply because of luck and positioning.

Speaking of luck, I deeply resonate from this excerpt from Naval.

He talks about how to get lucky and the four different kinds of luck:

How to Get Lucky and the Four Different Kinds of Luck

Blind luck. The first kind of luck you might say is blind luck. Where I just got lucky because something completely out of my control happened. That’s fortune, that’s fate.
Luck from hustling. Then there’s luck that comes through persistence, hard work, hustle, motion. Which is when you’re running around creating lots of opportunities, you’re generating a lot of energy, you’re doing a lot of things, lots of things will get stirred up in the dust.
Luck from preparation. A third way is that you become very good at spotting luck. If you are very skilled in a field, you will notice when a lucky break happens in that field. When other people who aren’t attuned to it won’t notice. So you become sensitive to luck and that’s through skill and knowledge and work.
Luck from your unique character. Then the last kind of luck is the weirdest, hardest kind. Which is where you build a unique character, a unique brand, a unique mindset, where then luck finds you. You created your own luck. You put yourself in a position to be able to capitalize on that luck. Or to attract that luck when nobody else has created that opportunity for themselves.

Make Luck Your Destiny. Build your character in a way that luck becomes deterministic.

Summary:

Be steady and dependable.
Show agility and passion when working with people.
Know where you are coming from and where you are going to.
Don’t underestimate your luck and position in life. Keep building on it.

May 19, 2024

You Must Have No Enemies

No Enemies

You must have no enemies to succeed. If you feel left behind in life, pay attention to this story.

In 2023, MAPPA released the masterpiece “Vinland Saga Season 2”. This show tells the story of Thorfinn, a young Viking warrior who killed his longtime enemy, Askeladd to avenge his father’s death.

When Thorfinn eventually kills Askeladd, he loses his purpose in life. He turns from a mighty warrior to a slave with a broken spirit working for a farmer.

However, as the years go by, He works alongside Einar, another slave, and the two develop a strong friendship.

Thorfinn slowly discovers purpose through hardwork and starts to consider a more peaceful existence.

The truth Discovered by Thorfinn

You see, during his enslavement, Thorfinn realizes a harrowing truth: the mile-long road of men he’s slaughtered in pursuit of avenging his father’s death led to his undoing.

With this truth, the once-fearsome Viking warrior chooses a new purpose: rid the world of war and slavery.

When you think his tale is going to end well, the past comes to haunt Thorfinn.

An all-out war breaks in the remaining parts of Europe and the new king decides to attack the farmland where Thorfinn stays.

Thorfinn’s new philosophy is put into test when he comes to face to face with the new king and his army.

The Quest for no Enemies

War for Vikings serves as a testing ground where victors reap the spoils on the merit of how many people they slaughtered and sold. Or vie for a warrior’s death that would grant them entry into Valhalla – the promised land.

Thorfinn then realizes that his initial brutal and revenge seeking lifestyle has been caused by a series of tactical errors.

I’ll come back to tactical errors in a bit.

While contemplating on how to convince his enemies to stop this war, he remembers the words of his father who had embraced a life of peace:

“You have no enemies. No one in the world is your enemy. There is no one you need to hurt.’

Think on the above line for a while.

When its meaning is clear, then continue reading.

Now let’s talk about tactical errors.

Tactical errors

In football, a tactical error is when a manager makes a mistake without external pressure.

It’s a mistake that happens when the team’s strategy itself is flawed or players don’t execute it properly.

Can you imagine being at the top of your league, yet your mistakes keep costing you the trophy.

The best managers in the world have suffered this.

Carlo Ancelotti, Pep Guardiola, and Mikel Arteta are known for their consistency and discipline. But they have all made tactical errors that cost them trophies.

In the 2005 Champions League Final, Ancelotti’s Milan were up 3-0 at halftime but made errors that allowed Liverpool to come back and win.

In the 2021 UEFA Champions League Final, Guardiola played without a natural defensive midfielder. This was widely seen as a tactical error. Chelsea won the match 1-0, exploiting the gaps in City’s midfield.

Just this weekend, in the 2023/2024 Premier League final run, Arteta made a tactical formation error in a decisive match against Aston Villa and lost the game. This gave Manchester City the chance to go on top of the table and eventually win the Premier League.

While I don’t know what went through the minds of these managers in those moments – the leading cause of these errors is ego and flexibility. Some managers are overly wedded to their tactical philosophies and struggle to adapt during the game, even if the initial approach isn’t working.

Beware of your tactical Errors

Now look back at some of your tactical errors in the past few months.

Those moments when your ego caught up with you, preventing you from doing your best – not because you lacked the abilities, connections, or resources to pull it off.

The moments you tried to hide your talent from the public because of resurfaced rejections from the past.

Those moments you refuse to share your ideas because you don’t want to go the extra mile and be held accountable.

I can totally relate…. It’s difficult to reflect on, but dodging problems is a game for babies.

I need you to go to your battlefield and confront the enemies in front of you.

You will still win in life, my guy.

You are the deserving favorite and have spent your entire life preparing for this premier league title. But you must end the mental battle.

These are the different endings to those movies you keep seeing over and over in your head. That heart break, that wasted chance, the absence of a parent.

The conversations you can’t stop having in your head with your ‘village people’. But you eventually found your voice long after you realized you stay in the city?

Do you get the gist?

You can’t bring all this extra luggage around with you in the end game.

Yes, we are all not immune, but raising awareness is the first step.

Focus on what truly matters.

Tell yourself – “You have no enemies. There is no one you need to hurt.”

And then do your utmost best.